Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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