Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
