So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
