I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
