Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
