You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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