well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
