So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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