saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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