Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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