The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
