Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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