Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
