This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
