She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
