dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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