The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My breasts were aching with rage.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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