i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
