dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
