mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
