Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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