I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
