I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
