Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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