I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
