I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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