His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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