She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
