I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
