Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
