found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
