that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
