i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize