oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
