my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
