Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I AM VODKA MAN
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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