it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
