He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
