I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
