I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
