well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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