My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
