my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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