That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
