we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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