I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
