You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
