I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
