i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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