Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
