No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
