i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
