those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
