i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
