Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
