ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize