he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
where are you?
Hypothermia
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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