He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
