I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
