be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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