she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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