Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Bring me that man meat
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
