You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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