I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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