I wish my penis had an off switch
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dear god my vagina.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize