I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
